Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
