I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
