I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
