Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
