Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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