I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
