girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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