Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
