Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
