is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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