Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
