Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
