i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
