When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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