Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
