she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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