Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
