u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We need to rekindle our bromance
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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