so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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