god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
