look no pants
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
