he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
