Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
