I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
