I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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