redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
