Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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