so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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