I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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