is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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