I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
