WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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