my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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