Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We need to get me chipped asap
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize