it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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