why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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