my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize