Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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