Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
