Your tits are I can't wait for
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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