Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
