I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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