I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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