i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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