i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
