I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
