I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
