maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
