I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
