and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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