apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
