i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
