I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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