if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
