just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
