I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
