i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
