Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
