I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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