Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
