My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
