i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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