so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize