OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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