I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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