Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
where are my eyebrows?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
