Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
