Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
