everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
