Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
