today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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